In the next few days I'll be starting up a new journal, with the intention of shutting this one down. It'll most probably mean a change in my msn address as well. Keep your eyes peeled for further info!

And straight into the top ten of people in the net cafe who should die! The gonad next to me who can't chew without smacking his big fish lips.

Edit Mr Fish lips (seriously, I'm that annoyed at him, I'm actually being a fascist and picking on his apperance) has left the building! Leaving his chair half way across the room, smack bang in the middle of the walk way. What a ball sack.

urge....to...cosplay...rising

what the hell is up with me today?

Jebus, my insides feel like they're full of nothing but air. My eyes hurt now. I've pushed the boat out and ordered yet more crap over the net. A guide for FFXII, FFVII itself, another book for exalted and a copy of the Dungeons and Dragons movie. Obviously I paid about £2 for this, on the basis I've heard its one of the worst films ever made. I want to see if its worse than the Tank Girl movie. That made me shit blood it was that bad.

Nearly bought myself some FFXII action figures, before I realised it would be cheaper to buy them from a local shop, rather than to order online. I'm so sad I've started to plan my FF experiance; I'll finish X first, then move onto X-2, followed by VII and then by XII.

Buddha help me.

Moooo-ha! Fuck living off beans this month, it looks like I've managed my money without even meaning too again. Actually I usually live off beans because I love thems.

Sat in the 'net-cafe again. Using it regular-like, I get to see all kinds of annoying stuff. Currently there's some guy sat two seats down from me who can not type without speaking the words at the same time. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't really be getting annoyed at the mentally deficiant, but, hell, it's so annoying and so fawking moronic. I've allready heard all about the people he's msn-ing living in west hull, and apparently Angel is on tonight. Out the gene pool please. The guy who actually waited for twenty minutes so he could use 'his' computer several times has vanished. This is good, he literally smacked the life out the keyboard. I know I type loudly, but this guy was jabbing each key from about a foot away with one finger. He also felt the need to 'harrumph' loudly every five minutes when the net didn't move at the speed he expected it too.

My favourite was someone harrasing the staff because his password wasn't working. They presumably thought he meant for his account at the net cafe. Nope, he meant his email account. They tried to explain to him several times it was nothing to do with them, and even if it was there was no way they could have actually helped...what with it being his email. He would not buy it at all. He'd bought time on the net and they must obviously own all of it, the net. Suprisingly the staff member did actually manage to help, by pointing out he'd misspelt his user name. He didn't even have the class to be mortally embarassed.

Some days I hate the human race.

someones living off beans the next couple of weeks. Why did I spend loadsa money on my old habits of zines and Exalted?

Good job I fucking love beans on toast.

Why has it taken me so long to get round to watching 'Rome'? I bought the first series boxed set second hand and, wow, its the first time in years I've had a serious yearning to watch the next episode after watching one. The last time this happened was with Deadwood - well, up until series three where it became a task to watch episodes.

Hull City is joint top of the premiership. I dislike this fact as it's all the local news and people will be talking about for the next x years.

Why did I ever think I'd be able to pick up the old Final Fantasy games cheaply? Even second hand they're a bit expensive. Would it be 'cheating' if I got the 'guide' for FFXII? I'm not doing to well and for lack of better words 'am fucked'.

I'm going to cut the next fuck who cant be bothered to look up 'pansexual' and has me spend half an hour to their idiot gawping face.

I think I'm over using the verb 'cut' these days.

Shit!
Just posted some FAIL to stupid_free
Shhhh! I think I deleted it before anyone saw.

this is the same old story
meet someone
tell them i'm ill
no longer talk

Looking through the crappy dating site I'm on I came across this journal entry;

It's funny... I met this guy *** who really epitomized the ideal of what I thought was the traditional male.... big, strong, confident, rough hands and bulging muscles, a deep rough voice, a love for the outdoors, rough in bed but with a gentle kiss... It was refreshing, meeting a 'real man'. It made me soar being able to escape into the traditional role as a woman... subservient, eager to please, pretty, smart, witty but quiet, ready to cook and clean and take care...happily on my knees looking up into his eyes... Then reality set in. He is the male archetype. Strong, with no emotional maturity. Confident, and condescending. Completely unappreciative, uncaring, eager to take advantage of someone with sincere intent. Rough in bed, sure, but also rough to swallow when they tell you they were just in it for the sex even after they said they wanted to introduce you to their mother... Sure, he fucked my mouth as hard as I like it, but he fucked my brain ten times harder. Fuck. Is there a single guy out there that can get with the program???

How fucked up is that? There's no way I can 'get with the program' she proclaims. I'm glad to say I dont even think I have the teevee on.

So caught up in imaginary gender roles she can't even see a total hypocrite.

Feeling slightly better.
I particulary enjoy my paranoid obsession with blood poisoning. Every freaking time I hallucinate and have a scabbing wound I become convinced I've contracted blood poisoning. I do like the fact I can see it for the delusion it is afterwards, much like when I start to claim 'the sky is heavy!!!!'

Pushed the boat out, for some reason I thought going into town and shopping would make me better. The excercise kind of did. Geeking out and buying myself one of the awesome Judge Dredd collections, a Rogue Trooper collection and the enormous 'Tori Amos Comicbook Tattoo' (itself only £20) also helped.

I think I might also need to eat properly. My plan for a massive cook off on friday/saturday has been quashed by my housemate being out all weekend. It's a secret of mine that cooking for lots of people is actually one of my favourite things to do. I find it healing. Push the love out to get it back in.

I've decided that the Final Fantasy series is my new crack.

Feel quite bad. Hallucinating. Cthuloid entities clambering over things in the foul skyline. Can't eat.
Think I might have blood poisoning.
'Well imagine something different' Says a less than usefull friend. It doesn't work like that I reliably inform them. Apparantly it is how it works as its all in my mind.

Debate about entities reflecting metaphysical ills in the world, thus having a greater degree of reality.

I might get round to writing about the weekend properly at some point if I don't loose it completely.

The cute girl is working in the net cafe, i <3 her.

Do not under any circumstance try and tell me things like 'we have to work'
I will cut you.

Its just taken me the best part of two hours to catch up on my flist.
I was going to write a massive post about the weekend. But instead bullet points!

*Finall suicide awareness class, was sad
*Genderfucked for the first time, was pleased with myself
*Went 'out' for the first time in about a year, was unexpected.

Why the fuck is someone behind me in the net cafe agreeing to her (presumably four year old) childs demands to watch the 'fussycat dolls' (sic) 'when i grow up'.

I go home now.

Things geeks may not know...
Orson Scott Card is a Nazi fuck.
David Eddings is a moron

I have an insanely good idea.
So we have 'talk like a pirate day' which is an awesome idea. Pirates, as we all know are teh sechs.

Why don't we have 'Talk like you're in a western day'. By western, I mean things like Deadwood and the remake of 3:10 to Yuma, realistic (expect for the obscenities). Imagine it! just! It would have been so cathartic in my old job.

Customer: 'Hi, my teevee that's two years old has broken, I have no further warranty, but am demanding a refund (because I'm a cock).

Utah Dave (that's my poker name folks): Ain't heard of you in these parts stranger, how are you?.

Customer: Refund, you fool!

UD: Weeeel I don't take too kindly to been called a fool friend, and whilst I'll be giving you all the respect that's owing t'you. There aint n'arry a thing I is gonna do about your televisual device.

Customer: How dare you! I know my rights!

UD: The law in these here parts don't take too kindly to people telling what rights they have an don'have. I suggest you take a wander friend.

Customer: Whaaaaat! I'm going to speak to trading standards!

UD: You might'n do that sir and you mighten not. I suggest you think twice before you throw down and look like a fool and I knock you on your ass.

Customer: *Click*

UD: Hey Sally, I just been talking to some damn limey cocksucker who think we owes him for his two year old machine!

Godsdamnit, I leave the interwebs for two days, and my flist is full of awesome posts that I don't have the time to read. Somewhat selfishly I'm concentrating on writing up my posts.


I'm hiding from my courses again today. I'm distraught after last nights mental health class. Distraught, ashamed, a whole whirlwind of negative emotions. Why? I nearly hit people. I never cope well with feelings of violence. One of the few things I can be proud of in this world is that I've never started a fight and I've never hit anyone*. I just don't seem to get thoughts or urges of violence at all often. I'm used to getting them when it comes to nazi's/bnp members/fascists. But in those circumstances they're easy to control, and remotely justifiable, even then I end up very upset with myself, just for having those feelings.

Last night I had the biggest feeling of violence I've had in my life. I feel crap, really don't want to be around people, and have an uber low opinion of myself at the moment. So what provoked this? Not nazi's or any right wing types, nope it was a pair of grade A morons. The kind of person that makes you wonder how they survive in the world, because all you can imagine them doing is repetedly getting their heads stuck in railings or trying to pick things out of fires with their bare hands.

I don't mean to denigrate anyone in my groups who isn't as quick as everyone else or has trouble getting everything first time round. It annoys me to hell hearing the same thing twice in a seminar, but it's cool. I mean last night we had lots of questions from the morons, and a couple from others. One erson asked about the Psychosexual theories because she didn't quite get it. That's cool, I don't think anyone quite gets the bat shit insane works of freud. Another person asked if the methods we were discussing could be compared to the psychological methods used in a clock work orange. I felt love then. They were senisble questions, they were understandable.

The tutor did her speaking, this time about aversion therapy. She blatently used the word 'punishment' to describe certain old school methods- giving people shocks when they were aroused by something for example. Dipshit number one then asked if it was the same as giving a dog a treat after it had done something. What?. Is this woman so fucking ignorant that she didn't take in anything the tutor said, particulary the words 'aversion' and 'punishment'? Or is she so fucking moronic that she can't comprehend the words 'aversion' and 'punishment'. I was so close to cracking her across the back of the skull. Her friend for some reason decided to bang on about when she was bereved and had depression. Because death always equals depression, obviously. She then started calling anti-depressants 'depression tablets'. Again. What? Are you a fucking five year old? No? Then speak like a fucking grown up who'se been sat reading about antidepressants for the past hour. What you're grammatically insinuating there is that the tablets gave you depression.

We also discussed brain meat surgery. Everyone got it apart from fucktard. She had to hacve it explained, again, to her. She then asked what it was usefull for in treating. This is while we each had a list headed 'Treatments for anxiety disorders'. Well, gee, I dunno, how about its used for treating anxiety disorders you fuck head?

Their stupidity and ignorance crosses time borders. Despite having a list of future session, amongst them listed 'Depression and Mood disorders', they decided the need to interupt the seminar on anxiety to ask 'What's chronic depression and whats manic depression'. Well why not use a basic grasp of the english bastard language and assume that chronic depression, is well, chronic, for lack of another fucking word, and manic depression, involves some mania, or possibly manic behaviour. And why not wait till next fucking week when we'll be doing it anyway you gonad.

These people who are apparantly training to be nurses (fuck the NHS is doomed) also got arsey when they were told we wouldn't be doing anything about alzhimers or parkinsons. Because strangley enough the course title involves the word psychology, and they're biological conditions.

You two out of the fucking gene pool.

I guess to most of you those seem pathetic reasons for wanting to physically assault someone for the first time in my life.

I'm moving desks next week.


</hate>

For those who've forgotten them, or those who've never heard of them. The Mighty Adam and Joe help us deal with lifes little problems....

Dealing with the filth

Forgetting peoples names

Going to cosplay conventions

How to drive, if you're crap

Live in the 80's

Give respec' too Bobby

Be an anarkeest


...uhhhh big ben?